Darn

Mistakes are awful. It's just plain stupid. After a mistake was done, I would have one desperate wish. The wish that I haven't done that one particular action that has led to the particular mistake. Ugh. But mistake makes you learn. I guess. My latest lesson is air sirap and laptop doesn't go along so well.

So, yeah. Laptop rosak~! wahhh. xley nak berblogging atau ape2 yg bekenaan dgn computer. Dapat alasan utk tak update blog~ huhu

Oh no. Baru igt. My latest lesson is not laptop and air sirap but tertinggal beg duit dalam bas maraliner. Wah~ Whatever. It's just stupid to make the same mistake twice.

It never stops

Time. It's something that is not there but yet we can feel the presence explicitly. Yeah. Maybe time is just another interface that used by human to describes things just like another word. But somehow I think it is far more complex than anyone could ever think. It's not merely what number the fingers of a clock is pointing. It can represent a lifetime, a century, hopes, memories, zenith of a dynasty or can simply be divided into three.

Yes, three. The past, the present and the future. But come to think of it how could you possibly divide it. There's no exact line between those three but yet it's there. People say "I live in the moment". Can you? Those moments you called present slip between your fingers with you barely notice it. But some say "It's a gift". That's why it is called the present. That's another way to look at it. It's ironic I would say. Right now I can swear it's the present but by the time I finished writing this sentence it's in the past already. It's like it has never been there. But it was there just now. I could go crazy thinking about it.

I also think that time is the biggest illusion of all time. Hah. But yes. You see the exact amount of time can be excruciatingly long and extremely short at the same time. A minute can be long when you are holding your breath for example and can be meaningless say.. when you are doing things that you love or it can be extremely important like when you are saving someone's life. But still it's only a minute. 60 seconds. tick. tick. There it goes.
Oh, Jeffery Deaver in his novel describes time as an illusion too. It goes something like this.

The past is an illusion,
The future is an illusion,
Only the present is real.

Yes. So true.

Time makes the heart grew fonder. Time makes us forget. Really? Some things you don't just forget. Some things you just can't let go. and it hurt. Sometimes it is just not enough to heal the wound. I'm just saying.

Future. An anticipation. A hope. Merely a creation of mind.

Owh. I'm running out of time. I'm writing this post to kill the time in between classes. Now I wish I could buy more time so I can write more. What the hell. Sori lah teha klu xcukup panjang. hehe.

Metamorphosis

I've always wonder. Can people really change? Yes human learn, grow mature but change? I don't know. I wonder because I've never seen one.

I've seen people who get all high spirits during the early time they are trying to change. They'll all do things they never used to. But, in the end they'll go back to become the person that they used to be. Like after attending a motivational talk, I'll get all disciplined and motivated for a few hours, but then I'll forget all about it. Oh I've seen a person who tried to start a new life, change, become a better man but in the end he ends up ruining other people's life including mine. I don't hate the intention and effort to change but it made me realize it must be really hard.

Well, people do change sometimes I guess when they really need to. Maybe once a smoker gets a lung cancer, he'll stop smoking. Or maybe people change when they have a reason or someone to count on to. I don't think people change because he alone wants to. There must be something that triggers it and keeps him going. Some change for the better and some change for the worse.

What do I mean change. I hate changes. It's so comfortable being myself right now. But a little part of me wants to change. It's not that I want to change something drastic about myself. It's just change how I handle things and situations. But I don't think I can. I'm not trying hard enough or maybe I'm trying too hard. I think I'm actually trying too hard this time. It scares the crap out of me if I fail. I already got the reason that should be enough to keep me going. I sure is hope that I'll succeed. Oh please.

Yay~!

From syida~ wee. my first award. she says there's something about my writing. :D


I'll pass it on to..
1. A medical student - she being herself is fun.
2. Haxi the baker - BM yg hebat and funny wordplay.
3. watch-doc - walaupn kdg2 xphm, adore the passion.
4. klu bole nak kasi 11th-colony - members ny yg sgt pandai gaduh, kontroversi, comment dan tak puas hati. ugh.

Potrait

Tiada kerja dan saya sayang mereka~
Selamat tahun barus semua~ 2009 and 1430h

What's so hard about it?

I currently have two problems. First, I have trouble telling people how I feel. I don't know why but it somehow makes me feels vulnerable. Second, I have people who have trouble telling me how they feel and make my life a living puzzle.

Thinking about something and saying it out loud is a whole different thing. Just because you think of it or assume something about it doesn't makes it real. Assumption is remotely a fact. There's no single human being in this whole wide world that can actually read minds. (Uh,no offense Edward Cullen) Hence, we need to tell others or at least ask . Don't assume. Don't make your own conclusion. Don't do something stupid without knowing things for sure.

Say, if you like a girl. Just because she replied your smile doesn't mean she has the same feelings towards you. But there's also a slight chance that she is totally in love with you. So, you need to find out by telling her. Paham?

Giving silent treatment and going all sulky when you are angry doesn't make things any better. It makes things worst. Sometimes people doesn't even know why you are angry. Tell them if they hurt your feelings. Sometimes words act better than action.

Sometimes it's a comfort to know. Even though you have say it thousands times before. Like telling your mum how much you miss her.

I think telling people how you feel makes the world a better place to live. Though it's a skill that I really need to work on. Hold no grudge. Spread the love. :D

......

Really had the urge to write but nothing came out. ugh. Just like constipation with tenesmus. wtf?

Hush.

Let's talk about secrets. Juicy. I hate secrets but I have a lot of it. Just had the most awesome night of my life but I can't tell everyone because the fear of hurting one person. Secret is ridiculous.

Secret is power. You can use people if you know their darkest secret. Learn how in Gossip Girl. Huhu.

Secret makes you a liar. There's no explanation needed in that

Secret is fun. When you have someone to share it with.

Secret is tiring. When it affects a big part of your life and when it's all you can think of.

Secret draws attention. Seriously. It's intriguing and most of the time controversial.

Sometimes it is better not to tell because once it is out there's no way back. You can't chew back your own words. But sometimes it's just has to be told. For the greater good. Now I sound like Dumbledore.

Why do people keep secrets?

Because we don't want people to know, but why?

I keep secrets because I want to evade people's judgment, to not hurt someone, to save myself from trouble or simply because I'm a coward. But it is up to me. I like keep things to myself. I'm a private person and only a few out there that can really crack me open. But. I seem to not be able to keep other people's secrets very well. Huu. Don't trust me.

In Desperate Housewives they said, a man is as sick as his secret. So true.

Tiada rahsia antara kita. That's what they say in true love. Bullshit. I don't know maybe it's true. But I don't think so.

But secrets doesn't always has to be all dark and miserable isn't it. But why must you keep good things to yourself.


I don't know what the hell I am talking about. Just typing for the sake of update. Ideas has been popping up like popcorn but I just can't make myself into writing it. Ugh. I'm too lazy to do anything these days. :D

Meet the strangers

Coincidence is interesting. It makes this world or to be precise, this world wide web, seems a little small. During the past couple of weeks I've stumble with three random persons that turned out to be somehow related with my real life. If they were to find out about this post,I would like say sorry in advance if I ever intrude their privacy.

Exhibit A
The first guy came up when my brother talked about him over dinner. He was going out along with my brother and other jemaah for 40 days without his parents permission. So he sold his mobile phone and earning him RM150. We were pitying him and all. Well, he turned out to be this cute guy who have send a request to be my friend in Facebook but I've ignored him because he seems to be adding girls randomly. But later that night when my brother saw the request he said, "Haa. tu lah dak tadi tuh" He lives in my neighborhood, my age but he didn't came from the same school as mine. Oh, and of course I approved the request.

Exhibit B
The second one is quite bizarre. I've been reading this person's blog for quite a while. I even commented on one of his posts. He's a 34 year old doctor who's now studying anesthesiology. He loves photography, took great pictures with this awesome DSLR that I wish to buy someday. uh. Well, he's also learning photoshop so I did leave some advice on how's the fastest way to master it.

At the same time, my grandmother is having a heart problem and been visiting HUKM frequently. One of the doctors there is my family. My mum has talked on and on about him. How nice he is, that he's single and she wants me to meet him. Huu. xpelah. She even shows me pictures of him. When I saw the pictures it didn't ring any bells but when my mum told me that he likes to take pictures. I was like could it be him?
So, I showed the blog to my mum and she said yes. Haha. My mum even force me to leave a comment in his blog telling the whole stories.
Yeah. Some famous blogger turned out to be my second cousin.


Exhibit C
The last one is more nostalgic I would say. I met my first crush~ One of my biggest crush and I was crushed by him. Hahaha. It brings back all the memories. I was eight and didn't know any better. We were friends, and I like him a lot. We love Dragon Ball and used to draw the characters all the time. One day when I know it was his birthday, I don't have much money but I want to give him present so I bought him pencils and an eraser. I guess. I wrapped it with papers and pasted little hearts on it. OMG! I can't believe I did that. Anyway, when he received it he frowned and he peeled the hearts off. Uh. It hurts. Haha. But we continue to be friends until 9 had a massive fight and then I pass the PTS and trus gi standard 5. No longer friends since then.
He added me on Facebook. But, I didn't remember him so well because he looks different. But after few comments of confirmation of course I remember him now.

Oh. Upon request. Home was great. Tgk lah pergi and balik dgn sape kan. hahah. Especially when I had the chance to introduce all my favorites people in the world i.e my loud family. Hee. Enough.

Mst belajar~! Ah. Malas. :D

Tagged the first and second. huu

Utk pertame kali nye. huhu. nape tag xtau lah. tapi mcm menarik. dah bape lame dah nih. tapi internet tahi. nak upload gamba pun xbole.

The first one by mysourha

1. Take a screenshot of your desktop without moving/closing any of the windows

2. Tag 5 people!

if without moving or closing the desktop you got this one lah


But this one is my desktop. so amiklah due2

Tag 5 people? xcukup org nih. layan je lah eh
1. haxi
2. oyuk?
3. skm
4. shafie
5. sape sape lah. biso sengoti ke.haha



and this one by akak~ or haxira
tough Qs tho.

1.How old are you?
Twenty and loving it

2. Are you single?
Hmmm.. yes

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Gosh. just like akak. I would love it to be 24 but I dunno. studies and work are in the way.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
Hell I dunno

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
Chuck Bass. Yes

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Beach/garden sounds fun but no too risky. Traditional maybe. hotel if i can afford it or maybe some hall.

7. Your ideal motif?
Oh. akak. I want off-white too! and some dark red roses

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Aish. I want to go somewhere extreme and different like safari or desert or Iceland.
But beaches are more romantic. So. Ntah lah

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
200 sudah.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Simple yet extremely classy and elegent. :D

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
we don't need one usually

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
seven

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
Simple wedding at a hotel. Bole?

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Evening reception

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Malaysia and outdoors. No way. It'll be either hot or rainy. It has to be perfect so indoors

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
Something different would be fun

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
My heroin by Silverstein played by me - the piano version. Haha. I wish. Tough song but maybe. I would love to hire someone to play live piano during the whole ceremony

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night!

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
I'm a first born, first grandchildren on my father side. so it might get solemn provided that my bro doesn't cut the line lah.

20. What age do you want to get married?
Hm. Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome nih. ish

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Oh gosh. Someone dominant but not bossy. Caring yet not over protective. Someone who listens and shares at the same time. But most importantly he must be the best of friend then I own the world. Hahaha. Too much information

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Ntah

23. Champagne or red wine?
Neither

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after. hehe

25. Money or household item?
Money. Because I'm kinda fussy and sometimes the gifts are overlapped. So just give me the money ok.

26. Who will pay for the bills?
Both party

27. Are you ready for married life?
Nah. I don't think I'll ever be but I just have to I guess

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
yes.

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Yeah. I hope so. You can't never be sure.

30. How many kids do you like?
I used to dream to have 7 kids. realistically maybe 3 or 4

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
New house but not new neighborhood. Ade ke? Some condo maybe

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
ntah. diamond?

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Maybe normal malay wedding cuisine but one thing for sure the door gifts will be chocolates~

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
Lots and lots of DVDs.


Told ya. though questions. maybe someday I might just elope with someone grabbed from the streets

tagging syida and mai. <33