Crying shame

Everyone has been in a fight before. Indeed everyone fights. children. adults. siblings. parents. couples. friends. politicians. People fight for many reasons but the thing with fight is both party will think that they are one who are right.

Siblings rivalry is common. But they don't usually last long especially when you are still young. But the urge to fight usually can't be helped and most of the time for ridiculous reasons, like why his piece of cake is bigger or I'm just better in everything.

Boys fight with violence. Well they are suppose to. Its just who they are.

Schoolgirls fight with words, lots and lots of words and maybe sometimes with some hair pulling episodes.

Couples fight for emotions. Complicated emotions.

Parents usually fight between responsibilities and personal needs.

Fight in friendships usually destructive. I don't know, in my experience. They don't usually turned out to be the same again. It feels awkward to act like before.

Politicians? they throw chairs. Huu. Well they fight behind the name of professionalism.

But fights don't usually solve anything. Fights will only feed your anger. Confrontation maybe. In a right way la. Ah. Gle malas nak berfikir dan menaip. But it sure is a shame when a bunch of full grown guys acted like schoolgirls. Talking and blaming behind people back. Well, grow some balls lah while you are at it. wahaha. selamat tinggal~ ugh.

Roarrr!

This is a pointless post. I just had the urge to write so I have to.

Oh dear clinical years. How many types of people you can meet. It made me question myself why do I do medicine. I don't even like people. I don't know the art of sucking up either. But these people they sure are interesting. How I long for those preclincal years.

Alright. Here's how I see things in the hospital. I always think it as a jungle. A very thick jungle. You sometimes can even see a food chain. Of course we medical students are the lowest in it. The most naive and vulnerable. This food chain I would say is dominated by Lions. Kings of the jungle who are the oldest lion that would be the Consultant and Speacialist. The most wise. Next would be the young adult lions and teenage lions. Well those are the Medical Officers and the House Officers. These busy bees do all the hardwork but the older they are the more they tend to forget how they used to be young. Then come us, the Cubs. The most eager. Who always crave for attention. Oh dear. These lions there sure are wise but they are also fierce, arrogant and they really like to roar. However they will always look dashing when they are perfoming surgeries, procedures and all while others wacthing in awe. There is maybe a handful of supernice Lions in the jungle but we must not forget the evil ones too. They are just unpredictable and unreasonably demeaning. huh.

Next, come the Deers. They usually provide for the Lions. That would be the nurses and other health staffs. They are very fast and efficient. They even sometimes don't really like the cubs because they know what will we grow up into.

Then come the plants. They are green and almost unappreciated. We sometimes forget how important they are. They clean all the mess those Lions and Deers had done. What will happen to the jungle without those plants. Well meet the Radicare people.

However I'm having trouble classifying the patients. Well. Maybe we can considered them as other species of animals because they are all sorts of people that came with all sorts of problems to seek advise from the Lions.

Whoa. That's a long crappy thing I just wrote. Huu. Kate obses. Bangun n tidur pun ingat logbook. :D


Here is one of the kings in action. heh. Cool eh?

Hello World

Sometimes we think that we own the world. It's so familiar, it's so predictable. But you can't own the world even my world is totally different from yours. Maybe you can own your world but sometimes even our own world seems out of hand.

I mean, today could be the saddest day of my life but who knows it could be the happiest day of someone else who just had the same experience as me. Be it a walk in the park or receiving a text message.

I hate changes. It makes me feel not in control. Changes are sometimes a problem. Say, hmm.. If you lost someone or if a family splits things can never be the same again. The world that was so familiar before are now different. How your routine life will change. If before there are five people in the family and now there are four. Its sounds like a no big different but actually its a tremendous lost. At these times we'll only realize those small parts that one particular person did to our life. Okay, maybe losing someone is too big of a change. But let's say we go to class or office everyday with a car, the trip was routine and almost forgettable. but if suddenly on one fine day one of the tires punctured - that would be a problem and we have to deal with it.

Changes remind us that we are not always in control with our life.

I was in a labour room one day, you know its timeless in there. Those babies they come out anytime they like. It was 3 a.m. at that time. It was hectic, people running around with their works, you could see a few worried and sleepy husbands here and there and if you enter one of the room you could hear doctors and nurses cheering to help the labour process. Macam pasar borong. Anyway, I was cold, tired and sleepy. So I went outside for a while. It took me almost by surprise. The night was warm, silent and serene. The sky was very pretty with stars everywhere and you could almost feel people are sleeping out there. Completely different from where I've been 30 seconds ago. I don't know, at that time I felt so small and the world is so big. :D

*pic - balqis again~ my favorite little person

The villain in you

I wonder does our childhood shape who we are today. I mean, we have seen all these in the movies and TV series. A child with a horrible childhood usually turned out to be the bad guy. You know, we have Sylar from Heroes or Voldemort from Harry Potter. They always give reasons why the villains are villains.

My childhood wasn't all that great. Maybe it does shaped who am I today. A little. Back then, when we have problems at home I always pretend nothing happened, I'll just go to school and act that everything is fine even though horrible things happened just before I go to school. But then, at that time I was little and I can ignore them because there's nothing else I can do. Just hope and pray it will solve itself. And to me it does solve itself, but you just have to bear with it. However. I got carried away. The way I face problems today never changed. Ignoring and hoping always the way to go.

I don't know. Maybe it does shape you. It taught you how the way you see things. The way you think because when you were a child everything is a first. Maybe because of repeated exposure. You know, just like Pavlov's dog theory. Maybe it all accounts as experiences. The way a rich kid act can be different from a poor kid just because their perceptions towards the same situation is different.

Maybe to some their childhood doesn't really affect who they are today. Or maybe they just don't realize it or maybe the effects wasn't that significant because it doesn't make them villains today. So we think. :D

*pic - humaira, my three year old cousin. huu. abes sume cousin kne promote. gadis gedix bersuare menggoda. wahaha. xcaye? met her as a guy. tapi sgt comey n talks too much.

Emosi Comot

It's a mess alright. Emotions that is. It impairs our judgment. Why do we need it? They say it makes us human. I say it makes us miserable. People don't usually think straight when they are emotional. It makes us almost delusional sometimes. How small things can be ridiculously big when emotions stepped in. How simple can be complicated. How straight can be crooked.

Happy. Sad. Love. Hate. Anger. Jealousy. Grateful. Greed.

I can only think most of the negative ones. Do we experience emotion all the times? I don't know. Because right now I don't know what kind of feelings I'm having. But just because I can't name one doesn't mean it's not there. Weird things is. We always said feelings came from the heart. Truth is it's from brain. The hippocampal lobe to be exact. Then we can say emotions are merely neurons firings here and there plus some hormones, just like anything else.

We all have seen how emotion affects us. It affects our decisions. Same situation can lead to different decision when different emotions involve. kan2? I mean the way we think is different when we are angry than when we are happy. But at both times we will think we are damn right.

Apekah poin saye menulis ini? Ntah lah.

I think I'm just amaze by their influence. That's all. Even though it's messy I still think it's great. Spice up our life because without it we are just like robot. Only do things that we are suppose to.


**The pic - That was Balqis. My 2 year old cousin. Seorang gadis blur. Baru pas makan roti canai~

sepi

It has been a while. busy? maybe. not really. just lazy. Anyway, I want to introduce to you a new category~ It is called Pretty Ordinary. This is where I'll put up my favorite pics. It is what I believe in photography, anything can be pretty. Even the most ordinary, not the settings, not the people but just as it is.



Taken by choky2

This is Afif. My 4 year old cousin. He was following my brother like a shadow, just because my brother has a camera with him. He was begging for his picture to be taken, begging to play with it and all. Look at those desperate eyes. :D

uh-oh

Tell me. Is there anyone out there that haven't done anything wrong. Not a single thing. Live closely by the laws. Whatever laws out there. Is there? Hmmm. I don't know. Not if you are a human.

Doing something wrong, it also means breaking a law, don't you think? Maybe indirectly or maybe just some unwritten law or maybe just something that your mother ask you not to do but somehow we know it is wrong. bad.. So, why do we do it? Is it fun? Well. Sometimes. Depends. Cutting class can be fun. Speeding is also fun. Even stealing or lying can be fun. It's the thrills. Especially, when you didn't get caught after that.

And sometimes. For some sane people or after we think about it or maybe after doing it for the first time or when you do something really bad. It will also come with guilt. Yeah. The guilt. It makes you think that you won't do it again. Sometimes it works but sometimes it just doesn't. When it doesn't work anymore, you'll do it again and again until it doesn't feel wrong anymore. Now that is real bad.

Anyway, my point today is. If you confided to someone about a wrong thing that you've done and suddenly that person said 'hey, I've done that too'. How would you feel? I bet most of us will feel relieve. It makes us think maybe it is not so bad after all.

Well then. People said misery loves company. But now, we can also say guilt, crime, evil or whatever it is also loves company. Uh oh :D

hello~

Meet my new laptop. It's pink and it's pretty. Though nothing much but I love it~ Pic by my lobsterman with our new D60. :D

This year hasn't been a good year for me. Technology wise. I tought I can get back on track with my blogging but then my modem pulak rosak due to over excitement because holding too much secrets. what the hell.

I've always wanted to tell the whole stories about my holidays. How I manage to watch seven movies in five weeks even the one I would never expect myself watch it, how I cook tasteless meals, how I spend splendid times with my families, how I acquire a uniform to attend weddings, some serious shopping after raiding almost all shopping malls in one day, the wine of the forbidden island (oh, hush) ;) and soo much more. Tapi.. Rasenye sume tu dah basi. So lets get moving. But first, some of my favourite pics~



the eyes were too big but the amount of money was too little

Well. people. have you met someone or maybe you are one of them, the kind of people who always get what they want and won't be happy unless it is exactly the way they want it. Well. I have. A lot of them. But so what. The good thing about them is that they will usually try very hard to get what they want. And there are two kinds of them. One who only enjoys the chase and the work and not so much about the product. The other one is the one who really treasures the product or the outcome of their effort. These people they have aims and visions, even on petty stuffs and they really know what they want and once they realized it they wont stop with any means possible until they achieved it. They can get a little annoying when they didn't get it and won't stop whining until they get another chance to try. Merely describing.

What if, the thing you are trying to have is wrong?
What if, you are just one of the product of someone who loves to chase? Hmm.. Drama.

Well. me? I'm neither. I do get what I want. Sometimes. But usually it takes a very long time. Because what I usually do is, I wish and I wait. So screwed. Or sometimes I did it in my own way which some people don't understand. But hey, it worked and I'm grateful. or I'm just lazy. :D

Till we meet again~!! tak tau la bile.

Hibernation

won't be posting anything for a long time. kot. everything around me seems to be broken. huhu.

Oh well. Happy Holidays~!

Brain Freeze!

When there are too much to study in too little time plus draining spirit. So here come this. When I thought it would lift my spirit a little. I got more scared adelah.

Anyway, wishing everyone the ultimate good luck I could give~ :D