Hello World

Sometimes we think that we own the world. It's so familiar, it's so predictable. But you can't own the world even my world is totally different from yours. Maybe you can own your world but sometimes even our own world seems out of hand.

I mean, today could be the saddest day of my life but who knows it could be the happiest day of someone else who just had the same experience as me. Be it a walk in the park or receiving a text message.

I hate changes. It makes me feel not in control. Changes are sometimes a problem. Say, hmm.. If you lost someone or if a family splits things can never be the same again. The world that was so familiar before are now different. How your routine life will change. If before there are five people in the family and now there are four. Its sounds like a no big different but actually its a tremendous lost. At these times we'll only realize those small parts that one particular person did to our life. Okay, maybe losing someone is too big of a change. But let's say we go to class or office everyday with a car, the trip was routine and almost forgettable. but if suddenly on one fine day one of the tires punctured - that would be a problem and we have to deal with it.

Changes remind us that we are not always in control with our life.

I was in a labour room one day, you know its timeless in there. Those babies they come out anytime they like. It was 3 a.m. at that time. It was hectic, people running around with their works, you could see a few worried and sleepy husbands here and there and if you enter one of the room you could hear doctors and nurses cheering to help the labour process. Macam pasar borong. Anyway, I was cold, tired and sleepy. So I went outside for a while. It took me almost by surprise. The night was warm, silent and serene. The sky was very pretty with stars everywhere and you could almost feel people are sleeping out there. Completely different from where I've been 30 seconds ago. I don't know, at that time I felt so small and the world is so big. :D

*pic - balqis again~ my favorite little person

The villain in you

I wonder does our childhood shape who we are today. I mean, we have seen all these in the movies and TV series. A child with a horrible childhood usually turned out to be the bad guy. You know, we have Sylar from Heroes or Voldemort from Harry Potter. They always give reasons why the villains are villains.

My childhood wasn't all that great. Maybe it does shaped who am I today. A little. Back then, when we have problems at home I always pretend nothing happened, I'll just go to school and act that everything is fine even though horrible things happened just before I go to school. But then, at that time I was little and I can ignore them because there's nothing else I can do. Just hope and pray it will solve itself. And to me it does solve itself, but you just have to bear with it. However. I got carried away. The way I face problems today never changed. Ignoring and hoping always the way to go.

I don't know. Maybe it does shape you. It taught you how the way you see things. The way you think because when you were a child everything is a first. Maybe because of repeated exposure. You know, just like Pavlov's dog theory. Maybe it all accounts as experiences. The way a rich kid act can be different from a poor kid just because their perceptions towards the same situation is different.

Maybe to some their childhood doesn't really affect who they are today. Or maybe they just don't realize it or maybe the effects wasn't that significant because it doesn't make them villains today. So we think. :D

*pic - humaira, my three year old cousin. huu. abes sume cousin kne promote. gadis gedix bersuare menggoda. wahaha. xcaye? met her as a guy. tapi sgt comey n talks too much.