Have any?

What drives you to get up in the morning? You know apart from Subuh prayer and daily responsibilities. Have you found your purpose of life? People have been telling me to work like you'll live another thousand years and pray like you'll die tomorrow. I know our 'ultimate' purpose of life. For all I know I could die in the next hour. But, I think haven't find my own purpose of life. You know most of the days I just live, because there's not much left to do anyway.

Most people might say they live for their loved ones. For their spouses and children but rarely people live for their parents. Anyway, I was at the clinic today and I never met a guy who was so happy to know that his two-month-old child has just gained 900 grams body weight in a month. Some might say they live for their dreams, passion and all. I don't know, I always heard all this from movies and dramas from around the world. Few of us really live for God. Most of us want to, but a very few people will.

But I think a whole lot of us didn't have any purpose at all. They just follow what comes in front of them and keep on living. Don't you think?

or maybe it's just me.

I also think it's a good thing to have dreams. I don't know. I just realize it actually. However, by just dreaming doesn't mean we'll get it but it is so much better than not to dream at all.

Oh well. Having all these purposes and goals and dreams is just to keep ourselves occupied with life. No matter how high or how low our life have been, its gonna end anyway. Soon. And we can't never do anything about it. fuh.

Money Honey

Take a piece of paper and print a face of an old guy on it - there you go, you got the most powerful piece of paper in the world, or also known as money.

First, everyone needs it. Like really need it. I mean, our whole life is pretty much about money anyway. See, when we grow up we need to go to school, collect as much as A's that you can and go to the university take the toughest course and maintain your grade there too. So that we can get a job that pay a lot money, then work for half of your life just to buy food, save for the old days. and if we live long enough we can retire and spend it for medical expenses or if not maybe die while working.

I love money and who doesn't? You know some people say money is not important, it can't buy certain things you know like love. I know that. But then with money, there is one less problem to be worried with. Both rich and poor has problems right? So it's better be rich and has problems.

About love, I don't know, there are lot of rich people experience love too and not all poor people are happily in love. So, it is just a matter of luck. Oh and my mummy always has this theory, rich people are mostly good looking. You know why, because when the guy is rich he can get beautiful girls and so their offspring would turned out kinda pretty too.

The thing about money is that it is evil. People do all sorts of thing for money. Apart from everyone needs it, everyone also wants it. And it will never be enough. But the truth is money always made its way through worse because if not how can a rubber tapper supports a family of seven with income of rm500 per month. Of course the rubber tapper would say it's not enough but students who get more than rm5000 scholarship every six months also said their money is not enough. :D

p/s - In a very paranoid mood, I'm going crazy. -.-" Oh, I passed my exams!!
- pic - duit rm50 yg penuh dgn sellotape, utk jadi bentuk love. :)

Young before old

not him ok
I know a man. An old man actually. When I was little, he was rich, has multiple wive plus had some affairs too. I know because I heard about it even saw it once. Didn't know what I saw then but now I do. Uh. Living the life he won't be so proud of now. Anyway. At that time he was on top of the world, rich and handsome. Had beautiful children who acted just like him, well not all of them.

But then things started to turn around. Bussiness collapse and when you're poor girls left you. Luckily one stay, as usual the first wife. I guess. Live up with his pension. Whiled he stayed home. He eventually changed. He became this guy who wears white robe, went to the mosque for every prayers. One that impress me is that he even wrote a book. About behavioural problems, how to live life the way prophet Muhammad SAW did. How to do it in our time. Ironic. Anyway. It doesn't matter who he is, what matter is what he wrote.

So, it got me thinking. Can we live our life recklessly when we are young, then when we are old just repent. Just repent and everything will be fine. It's not fair. Well, in this case I think he's just lucky. He got to live up to this age and realized what a jerk he was.

I think because when we are old. We have gone through all the big milestones of life that most young people look foward to. You know, like finishing studies, have a career, getting married, have children and granchildren or even contract a disease. Then, what's left is the end of your life. Maybe at that time only we'll think. All that is left to do is surrendering ourselves to God.

That we should have done as early as we can. Which I know very hard and I wish to be as lucky as him.

p/s: uh. sorry bad photoshop.

Crying shame

Everyone has been in a fight before. Indeed everyone fights. children. adults. siblings. parents. couples. friends. politicians. People fight for many reasons but the thing with fight is both party will think that they are one who are right.

Siblings rivalry is common. But they don't usually last long especially when you are still young. But the urge to fight usually can't be helped and most of the time for ridiculous reasons, like why his piece of cake is bigger or I'm just better in everything.

Boys fight with violence. Well they are suppose to. Its just who they are.

Schoolgirls fight with words, lots and lots of words and maybe sometimes with some hair pulling episodes.

Couples fight for emotions. Complicated emotions.

Parents usually fight between responsibilities and personal needs.

Fight in friendships usually destructive. I don't know, in my experience. They don't usually turned out to be the same again. It feels awkward to act like before.

Politicians? they throw chairs. Huu. Well they fight behind the name of professionalism.

But fights don't usually solve anything. Fights will only feed your anger. Confrontation maybe. In a right way la. Ah. Gle malas nak berfikir dan menaip. But it sure is a shame when a bunch of full grown guys acted like schoolgirls. Talking and blaming behind people back. Well, grow some balls lah while you are at it. wahaha. selamat tinggal~ ugh.

Roarrr!

This is a pointless post. I just had the urge to write so I have to.

Oh dear clinical years. How many types of people you can meet. It made me question myself why do I do medicine. I don't even like people. I don't know the art of sucking up either. But these people they sure are interesting. How I long for those preclincal years.

Alright. Here's how I see things in the hospital. I always think it as a jungle. A very thick jungle. You sometimes can even see a food chain. Of course we medical students are the lowest in it. The most naive and vulnerable. This food chain I would say is dominated by Lions. Kings of the jungle who are the oldest lion that would be the Consultant and Speacialist. The most wise. Next would be the young adult lions and teenage lions. Well those are the Medical Officers and the House Officers. These busy bees do all the hardwork but the older they are the more they tend to forget how they used to be young. Then come us, the Cubs. The most eager. Who always crave for attention. Oh dear. These lions there sure are wise but they are also fierce, arrogant and they really like to roar. However they will always look dashing when they are perfoming surgeries, procedures and all while others wacthing in awe. There is maybe a handful of supernice Lions in the jungle but we must not forget the evil ones too. They are just unpredictable and unreasonably demeaning. huh.

Next, come the Deers. They usually provide for the Lions. That would be the nurses and other health staffs. They are very fast and efficient. They even sometimes don't really like the cubs because they know what will we grow up into.

Then come the plants. They are green and almost unappreciated. We sometimes forget how important they are. They clean all the mess those Lions and Deers had done. What will happen to the jungle without those plants. Well meet the Radicare people.

However I'm having trouble classifying the patients. Well. Maybe we can considered them as other species of animals because they are all sorts of people that came with all sorts of problems to seek advise from the Lions.

Whoa. That's a long crappy thing I just wrote. Huu. Kate obses. Bangun n tidur pun ingat logbook. :D


Here is one of the kings in action. heh. Cool eh?

First born rules!

I have a theory. That came from my sheer observation since my childhood and all my subjects revolve from my family. The theory is about the differences between the first and second born.

It only applies when:
-Both of them have the same gender.
-Their age gap usually less than 3 years.

Okay, from what I observe the first child seems to be more active, naughtier, smarter but less successful in life because they tend to be more carefree. Oh, less successful doesn't mean they are some kind of pathetic loser but just in comparison with the second child.

The second child seems to be more tense, well disciplined and they work harder so they tend to have a proper or better life.

But. I have no idea why they are like that or maybe it's just me trying to say what I want to believe.

Annddd... Guess what? Guess what?

There's actually this thing called Second Child Syndrome. Yeah. However, it doesn't really relates with my so-called theory but it somehow describes the parenting difference that the second child usually received.

Your first child was the over-protected experiment…but she also got your undivided attention, a full schedule of playdates and ‘educational outings,’ and frame-by-frame video and photography documentation of every big first – at least until her sister was born.

Enter the second child. You may recognize her by her gently-worn wardrobe, smaller bedroom, and nearly empty baby book. She has committed the entire Nick Jr. afternoon programming schedule to memory, and knows the best way to get mom’s attention is to make noise – and a lot of it. Fighting with her older sibling is her favorite pastime. But she’s also amazingly self-sufficient, and full of wonderful surprises.

Oh well, there goes my another falsampah. haha. ape ape jelah.

Hmm. I wonder why is it every time I work harder it gets harder. I felt like a complete idiot just now during PBL. Even though the night before I've read so much. So much compared to before this lah. It seems to be much easier when I didn't bother to try. Maybe that's why I always consider myself to be allergic or sensitive to hard work because my brain seems to work much better with less info in it and gets full blown anaphylactic shock when I tried put more info in it than it could ever consume. Definitely bullshit~ :D

Hey Einstein!

Would you agree if I say everyone is a genius?
You, me and everyone.
There are all sorts of genius out there. They can be in a form of actors, choreographers, scientists, lawyers or even jugglers. Every field has its own genius and everyone has their own field of interest. But why there aren't many of them. I would say it's their luck or they've found their passion. Yeah, because no one knows that he is a genius until he is one.

A father wouldn't say to his son over dinner something like "Son, it's a little dark in here. Why don't you try to invent a light bulb tomorrow?"

or

You wake up one day and realize that you want to create a sewer system.

I wish it's that simple. It is somehow a matter of luck and passion and of course, hard work.

Then, how to become a genius? (rich and famous too maybe)
Hmm. Maybe simply do things that you love. I mean, even if you're not a genius in the field that you've chosen but at least you love it. I love and envy when people said that they are being paid to do things that they love. It sounds so unfair.

Well, as for me I don't even know why I'm doing medicine. I'm not a people person and I don't think that I'll get any better after three and a half years. Though I enjoy studying it sometimes.

So, find the genius in you or maybe I should say find the genius in me. Yeah. That's more like it. :D

The ironies of end

Most people live life by anticipating the end, don't we?

Kids can't wait to be an adult. Teenagers can't wait to finish school. PMR, SPM. Can't wait to graduate from college. Get a job, go to work. In between work and study, we'll date and get married. Then, tired of working get retired and spend the pension. Live with your grandchildren and you know what's next.

That's pretty much life isn't it? Well, unless you get married to a king from Kingdom Andalasia and didn't have to work for seven generations or maybe get a terminal disease and die early. Then, it'll be different.

The first irony I found out was it never really end. Each end was actually the ultimate beginning of something new.

The second one was we tend to look back and then only realize that it was important.

Say,
I'm facing a big examination like SPM, of course I can't wait for it to end. Maybe I tried my hardest maybe I didn't. After the exam, I thought it's finally over. Then, the result was out. Good or bad, with that very result is what going to determine my future. Then only I realize that it's not over, it is just about to begin and I'll look into the past and wish, just wish that I could do better.

That's the lamest example I can give. I do hope that I made my points. I think, most of the stuffs in life is pretty much like that and come to think of it death is the ultimate beginning of all. That's the only end that no one anticipates. :D