The choice is yours.

Life is full of choices. Most of the times life sucks because of our own decision. From what I know there's two ways to live a life.

The easy way or The right way.

But both will give you the same result.

Someone might think it would be wise to the live life the easy way. Most of the time I will opt for the easy way, easy means fast. But easy can also mean wrong. Most of the time the easy way is the one lazy people chose. Easy example would be like cutting a long queue. Its easy, fast and you'll get just what you want. But you'll get other people angry too and just imagine if everyone did the same thing. It'll be chaotic and rules exist for a reason.

The right way usually chose only by the righteous. I usually chose this when it won't cost me too much trouble or I'm simply in a good mood. The good way will also get you to the things you want, maybe a littler slower but it'll clear your conscience and everyone will be happy.

I always thought that the easy way would be like using the expressway, its fast but you'll have to pay but the right way will be like using the daily driveway slow but you'll get there eventually.

It the end, the choice is always yours but it's just that the end doesn't justify the means. Its pretty boring. I don't know just something to ponder.

Benjamin Button in reverse.

Last few weeks I went to an old folks home. I had the chance to talk to some of them and they were all very cheerful. Most of them are in their 70's. Playing my role, I took some pictures and immediately showed it to them and to my surprise they were very excited and their reactions was just like the reaction of my three year old cousin.

It reminds me, someone once said. Old age is the second childhood.

This fact has been stuck in my head since then and I still haven't been proven wrong. The more I think about it, the more alike they become.

When incontinence comes, we start wearing diapers.
Wheelchair is the golden age version of walker and stroller.
When we can't swallow, we back to drink milk maybe not from a bottle but feeding tube.
And need to be fed every few hours.
We need 24-hours surveillance, because we can't just take care of ourselves.
Some even back to sleep in a cot, maybe not as colorful as before but still serves the purpose.
We lost our articulation.
People don't take you seriously anymore.
Little things amuse you.
People are easily amaze when you accomplish something. Because we are back to the (re)learning phase, but not as smart.

The only difference is that babies are cuter.

Money Honey

Take a piece of paper and print a face of an old guy on it - there you go, you got the most powerful piece of paper in the world, or also known as money.

First, everyone needs it. Like really need it. I mean, our whole life is pretty much about money anyway. See, when we grow up we need to go to school, collect as much as A's that you can and go to the university take the toughest course and maintain your grade there too. So that we can get a job that pay a lot money, then work for half of your life just to buy food, save for the old days. and if we live long enough we can retire and spend it for medical expenses or if not maybe die while working.

I love money and who doesn't? You know some people say money is not important, it can't buy certain things you know like love. I know that. But then with money, there is one less problem to be worried with. Both rich and poor has problems right? So it's better be rich and has problems.

About love, I don't know, there are lot of rich people experience love too and not all poor people are happily in love. So, it is just a matter of luck. Oh and my mummy always has this theory, rich people are mostly good looking. You know why, because when the guy is rich he can get beautiful girls and so their offspring would turned out kinda pretty too.

The thing about money is that it is evil. People do all sorts of thing for money. Apart from everyone needs it, everyone also wants it. And it will never be enough. But the truth is money always made its way through worse because if not how can a rubber tapper supports a family of seven with income of rm500 per month. Of course the rubber tapper would say it's not enough but students who get more than rm5000 scholarship every six months also said their money is not enough. :D

p/s - In a very paranoid mood, I'm going crazy. -.-" Oh, I passed my exams!!
- pic - duit rm50 yg penuh dgn sellotape, utk jadi bentuk love. :)

Bitter

Last week was revision week. It was depressing and lonely. There's nothing much to do rather than study. Except that everything else feels much more compelling than study. So I kinda stare at my laptop most of the times. There was one time the electricity was out and I got really freaked out, luckily we were going to the ward so when we got back everything was fine.

I don't talk. The two people I wanted to talk to were kinda busy with their own life.

So.I fed my restaurant city's employees every 4-6 hrs, which is more than I fed myself, the food here sucks.

I watched tonnes of youtube videos. I love the wongfu productions - they are awesome. Community Channel - She's hillarouos. There's this Gavin Hoey guy, is pretty awesome too, he teaches about photoshop and photography, very basic things but I kinda like him.

The website the oatmeal, is kinda fun too. It suppose to be funny and annoying and rude at the same time. But I enjoyed it. I love his post about the angler fish. haha. Awesome.

I logged in to deviantart everyday. Post at forums and admiring other peoples arts and obsessing about my pageviews everyday.

I read one piece until chapter 60 but then I got bored, because the page load was so slow.

I watched Grey's anatomy for how many millions times. I don't know.

My relationship turns one and a half year last week. That's pretty cool.

I went to watch K.A.P.O.W.W Atoi the Ajaib Boy! Yeah. People don't believe me.

I listened to the same playlist over and over again. So I got bored easily, I ended up downloading few songs everyday. Ingrid Michealson's new songs are kinda awesome. David Choi music's melts my heart.

Now, it over. Holidays begin~! I don't know about my exams. I won't be surprise if I failed, because it's Internal Medicine. Plus I still get to go to fourth year next week.

**pic-first wedding photography,tag along musran

6,814,400,000 minus 1

I most certainly think that my life is so important. Sometimes, even stepping on a cat poop can be a big deal to me. But so does everyone else. You know there's like 6.8 billion people in this world and I bet each of them thought so too.

And it's kinda ridiculous to say one life is superior than others. Its equally important. 6,814,400,000 people minus 1. Does it matter? What if it is you?

So, yeah. If one day my house got bombed and I lost a limb or a millionaire goes bankrupt or a pauper became a millionaire overnight. Each of them must think that its like the most important think that can ever happen to them. But to others it could be just another headlines they read as they pass a newsstand.

I just want to say that, life goes on. No matter how bad it gets(or good). There's nothing like a pause or a fast forward button that could help you get through it. It's not gonna undo itself no matter how hard you wish. Other people wouldn't care as much either, because it's not their life.

Anyway, there it is. I was really dreading to start a new posting and thought of these. :D

Ramming up!

Lets join me to the experience of upgrading my laptop's memory. It was scary as hell, so I kept stalling but actually it took only about 15mins tops to install it. Here's the pictures. Looks like I got nothing else better to do.(apart from having to finish the yearbook. uhhh)


stuffs you need





Yummy. 4gb. One of the awesome birthday presents this year.
Next, I need to get an antivirus and a new hard disk!

The grass is always greener on the other side.

What we have is always never good enough. There's always something else better than it. I mean always.

It always looked good and better when we don't have it. Well. Have you like dream to really want something? You know like an awesome gadgets, the coolest guy in school or a promotion in your career. The thing that we want always has this cool characteristics like very good looking, or 8 megapixels. We start to build our own imagination, about how good will it feels to actually have it.

And then, if someday we do actually got it. It doesn't feels as great as we'd imagine it, well maybe at first, but then other things would show up and we would want that too. The cycle will just starts over again.

Like I said. Never good enough. Or like some would say, "there's always a hotter girl"

I know we are thought to be grateful of what we have because some people might never had the chance. But then we just can't help it.

However, to have these dreams or desires actually make us move forward. You know it creates this passion to get something better, to be better. People will make new things, something more awesome. Next thing you know, there's 10 megapixels.

Well, if not. The world won't change, we'll still wear animal skins as clothes, people don't shave and communicates through smokes or pigeons.

**pic-total randomness. my brother with my little cousin who follows him like a shadow

White coat strollers

Medicine is awesome. That's what I think. I mean all the stuff that we have been studying during the pre-clinical years actually do come true. They do, just like in the textbook. So, we will be kinda get excited with stuff that others think is nothing or completely ridiculous. Talk medical jargon as daily basis. Joke about something only few people will understand and finds it funny.


When we are in the ward all we need to do is clerking and sometimes physical examinations. Its fun actually, it's like a guessing game. Try to diagnose a disease by asking just the right questions. However, we are dealing with people, to do that I think we need an air of superiority around us. Just a little, not until its demeaning. Just enough so people will actually response and obey you because they are sick so sometime they are not in the mood to talk. Which I find most of the final years students have and some of the third year students. But I don't or maybe yet to discover.

You know, to us. Even poking a finger into someone's anus can be intriguing.

In medical world, you put everything into short forms. New posting, new short forms. Say, now I'm in surgical posting, I learned - ESWL, IVU, IO, SIRS, CVP, CBD, SPC and so much more. Even the most ridiculous meaning like E/A - electively admitted or TTO kot - to transfer out. Some short forms might means different to a layman, for example to my sister GBS is geng bas sekolah but to us its Gullian-Barre syndrome. PR can means public relation but it also means per rectal.

Being called stupid is like a routine.

Being young and brilliant is basically nothing. But the older you are the cooler. Because medicine is measured by experience and skills. The longer you practice means that you've seen more. Because sometimes two patients with the same disease can come with a whole different presentation. Or sometimes in different severity.

What's common is common. It's true I guess. That's why patient with a rare disease can be a celebrity among us. :D

Shiny

New isn't always great
Old isn't always wise
But all we can do is keep moving foward
So, yeah. Happy New Year~

The swans say hi~
Pic by nawfal. Dipakse suh mention nih.

Pretty Ugly

I love good looking people. You name it pretty, beautiful, handsome or dashing I just love them all. In fact. Everyone does. I mean they are just so nice to look at and everyone would like to be one. They even get special treatment from others. I've seen it a lot. I do that too sometimes. Even in the ward cute babies get more attention than the others.

Some people can even use looks to earn money. That's just so nice.

However. When we are in the sea of strangers and we are lost. Or when we are performing on a stage in front of a big crowd. Or when we are in a deepest trouble. Or when we are so sad. We don't look for the prettiest people in town or the best looking guy in school. We'll look for the familiar face. Faces of someone who is close and important to you. We won't care if they are ugly or pretty. Even a Miss Universe can't beat that.

Well, unless the miss universe is someone important to you la kan. :D

Hello World

Sometimes we think that we own the world. It's so familiar, it's so predictable. But you can't own the world even my world is totally different from yours. Maybe you can own your world but sometimes even our own world seems out of hand.

I mean, today could be the saddest day of my life but who knows it could be the happiest day of someone else who just had the same experience as me. Be it a walk in the park or receiving a text message.

I hate changes. It makes me feel not in control. Changes are sometimes a problem. Say, hmm.. If you lost someone or if a family splits things can never be the same again. The world that was so familiar before are now different. How your routine life will change. If before there are five people in the family and now there are four. Its sounds like a no big different but actually its a tremendous lost. At these times we'll only realize those small parts that one particular person did to our life. Okay, maybe losing someone is too big of a change. But let's say we go to class or office everyday with a car, the trip was routine and almost forgettable. but if suddenly on one fine day one of the tires punctured - that would be a problem and we have to deal with it.

Changes remind us that we are not always in control with our life.

I was in a labour room one day, you know its timeless in there. Those babies they come out anytime they like. It was 3 a.m. at that time. It was hectic, people running around with their works, you could see a few worried and sleepy husbands here and there and if you enter one of the room you could hear doctors and nurses cheering to help the labour process. Macam pasar borong. Anyway, I was cold, tired and sleepy. So I went outside for a while. It took me almost by surprise. The night was warm, silent and serene. The sky was very pretty with stars everywhere and you could almost feel people are sleeping out there. Completely different from where I've been 30 seconds ago. I don't know, at that time I felt so small and the world is so big. :D

*pic - balqis again~ my favorite little person

The villain in you

I wonder does our childhood shape who we are today. I mean, we have seen all these in the movies and TV series. A child with a horrible childhood usually turned out to be the bad guy. You know, we have Sylar from Heroes or Voldemort from Harry Potter. They always give reasons why the villains are villains.

My childhood wasn't all that great. Maybe it does shaped who am I today. A little. Back then, when we have problems at home I always pretend nothing happened, I'll just go to school and act that everything is fine even though horrible things happened just before I go to school. But then, at that time I was little and I can ignore them because there's nothing else I can do. Just hope and pray it will solve itself. And to me it does solve itself, but you just have to bear with it. However. I got carried away. The way I face problems today never changed. Ignoring and hoping always the way to go.

I don't know. Maybe it does shape you. It taught you how the way you see things. The way you think because when you were a child everything is a first. Maybe because of repeated exposure. You know, just like Pavlov's dog theory. Maybe it all accounts as experiences. The way a rich kid act can be different from a poor kid just because their perceptions towards the same situation is different.

Maybe to some their childhood doesn't really affect who they are today. Or maybe they just don't realize it or maybe the effects wasn't that significant because it doesn't make them villains today. So we think. :D

*pic - humaira, my three year old cousin. huu. abes sume cousin kne promote. gadis gedix bersuare menggoda. wahaha. xcaye? met her as a guy. tapi sgt comey n talks too much.

Emosi Comot

It's a mess alright. Emotions that is. It impairs our judgment. Why do we need it? They say it makes us human. I say it makes us miserable. People don't usually think straight when they are emotional. It makes us almost delusional sometimes. How small things can be ridiculously big when emotions stepped in. How simple can be complicated. How straight can be crooked.

Happy. Sad. Love. Hate. Anger. Jealousy. Grateful. Greed.

I can only think most of the negative ones. Do we experience emotion all the times? I don't know. Because right now I don't know what kind of feelings I'm having. But just because I can't name one doesn't mean it's not there. Weird things is. We always said feelings came from the heart. Truth is it's from brain. The hippocampal lobe to be exact. Then we can say emotions are merely neurons firings here and there plus some hormones, just like anything else.

We all have seen how emotion affects us. It affects our decisions. Same situation can lead to different decision when different emotions involve. kan2? I mean the way we think is different when we are angry than when we are happy. But at both times we will think we are damn right.

Apekah poin saye menulis ini? Ntah lah.

I think I'm just amaze by their influence. That's all. Even though it's messy I still think it's great. Spice up our life because without it we are just like robot. Only do things that we are suppose to.


**The pic - That was Balqis. My 2 year old cousin. Seorang gadis blur. Baru pas makan roti canai~

sepi

It has been a while. busy? maybe. not really. just lazy. Anyway, I want to introduce to you a new category~ It is called Pretty Ordinary. This is where I'll put up my favorite pics. It is what I believe in photography, anything can be pretty. Even the most ordinary, not the settings, not the people but just as it is.



Taken by choky2

This is Afif. My 4 year old cousin. He was following my brother like a shadow, just because my brother has a camera with him. He was begging for his picture to be taken, begging to play with it and all. Look at those desperate eyes. :D