A year wiser~

Uhh. I'm twenty one already. So much to do. So much to accomplish. So much to rectify. I'm officially an adult. yeah. really. Like there's much difference. Just little more wrinkles and little less oocytes.

Oh. Thanks everyone. I love you all so much~! :D

Waterfall~ sejukk..

Went to Panching last weekend. Unplanned. No, they have been planning tp ktorng kanak2 study grup jibah datang menyebok. Bday fafa~






Walaupun salu kutuk kuantan, but have to admit the nature is kinda cool. Pics were taken with my phone, who at the of the trip the fell into the water. wahaha. nasib baik xrosak. uhh.

Cube try test

Trying is a good thing, because you'll never lose but you'll always learn. Maybe in a certain situation trying can be a harm but still, you learn. But mostly in our daily life situation trying is essential. You don't have to be a genius to figure the possible outcomes of trying - either you succeed or you fail.

Though I hate trying because most of the time I was scared and sometimes just lazy, but I don't know why.

There was a saying - If you don't ask, the answer is always no.
It means that everything is worth a try, the worse that could happen is rejection though you will definitely get it if you didn't try at the first place. See, what is there to lose.

There was another saying, it means something like the result is not that important but the effort is what that is count. Now. This is a bit complicated and hard to accept, but after a much thought it is true after all.

Effort and outcome. Everyone would love to have the best possible outcome there is out there. But, the question is, have you tried your very best to deserve it? My answer would always be no. huu. As far as I remembered, never in my life I can say that I've tried my best. I do make an effort, but just enough for me to settle in a safe place. I think that's why I never be the best in whatever I do, I can be quite good or almost great and suck most of the time but never the best.

If I tried as much as lifting a finger I shouldn't be expecting a wonderful result woudn't I? but then, it is far better than not trying at all. :D

Order, order

I'm miles away from great, let alone perfect. I'm no different from the people who sat next to you, say, in a train station. But I have this one habit that always makes me forget the existence of mirror. I love to judge people. Badly.

You see, I love beautiful things but everyone does. But who am I to say that guy is ugly though he's filthy rich, her nose is crooked or her taste of fashion is so bad that makes me wonder is she color blind? But looks never matters. Maybe on first impression or beautiful people sometimes get special treatment because human just can't help it. But I always think that there is nothing more soothing or calming to see a familiar face when you are in a deepest trouble. At that time it doesn't matter how ugly the person is because there are far more important things in this world than that.

Oh. But not just looks. Sometimes I judged based on people's achievement in their studies especially in my course where there are so many hardworking people. I always have thoughts like these 'are you that stupid, it is such a simple question' or like 'what? you can't even manage to answer that, I thought you study all night'. Gosh. I sounded horrible. And sometimes when I see pious people, I tend to look for their flaws. I don't know why, maybe because of my own insecurity but I always try to convince myself that that person is not that good even though she/he behave and dress in the best manner possible.

Uh, I feel bad. But most of the time I tried my best not to tell others of what I think. Because that will makes me even worse.

I never dream to be a judge, and if ever be I can't never be fair either. wtf. Like I said I'm no better and no offense. :D

Best of both world

In the last couple of weeks I have to find an alternative means of entertainment, so I read novels. Intensely until my eyes are buldging out. Ah. tipu. What I want to say is about my last two novels. I picked the novels through the authors but random titles. I didn't even bother to read the synopsis. It turns out that both of them have almost similar themes. It's about some culture/lifestyle in Christian community.


The first one is about the nuns in the Cistercian convent. They have the strickest rules of all types of convent. Once they enter the place they can't never leave. They lived in silence. Which they believe would give them serenity. The sisters spend their day by saying prayers five times a day. They couldn't talk to each other. They shouldn't even make eye contact, they need to low their gaze at all times. During meal time no sister can seat next to each other consecutively. Any kind of friendship is forbidden and they only eat for needs not pleasure. The only contact they could make is to their leader and least words are used, they communicate through ancient sign languange. Bizarre.



The next on is about the Amish community, or so they call themselves the Plain People and the common people as Englishers. They live in a very conservative way. No phones. No TVs. No electricities unless really needed. They used buggy for transportation, it is a horse drawn vehicle. Least technologies are used as it will tempted them to the outside world. Clothes that they sew for themselves using only pins. Their clothes should not call any attention in color, cut or any other features. Education is not much higher than eighth grade, which is sufficient in Amish lifestlye. Their goal is not stand up in the community but to blend, to be as similar as they can be with each other. The concept of Amish practice are the rejection of pride (Hochmut), high value of humility (Demut) and also submission (Gelassenheit). They speak in Dutch, as their origin is Swiss. Their restrictions are not for suffering, some exceptions are permissible when needed.

What both of them have in common despite being a devoted Christian is that they seclude themselves from the outside world. To be protected from the world's temptations. I don't know why I'm writing this. I just adore their devotions but I don't agree in being extreme. Well, as muslims we believed that we should balance every aspects of our lives. Between the world and the here-after. And I think that's just harder, to get the best of both world.

I only write something trivial and simple about these communities. Wanna know more google up yourself~ Oh, and I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, didn't know any better. They just amaze me. :D

Scibbling away~

I recently noticed that I like to write. Though mostly to myself and most of them are craps. But it helps, sort of, to channel my feelings and it does makes me feels better. It's like talking to someone but you're not being judge.

I write things that would took me a great deal of effort for me to say. If you want to get to know me or want to know what I think of you, just ask me to write to you. I could be a cold monster but I can also give you diabetes for being too sweet. Whichever I want. *Exaggeration alert*

I tend to get emotional when I write. Writing here, I had to pay the price. It fascinates me how people could qoute what I wrote, assume, make conclusion and sometimes give answers to my own dillemmas. Eventhough I only have a handful readers and most of them are my friends(including those anonymous and those people with sophisticated nicknames), it made me realize that words have powers. But words are also permanent. I might delete some things that I've wrote, but once it has made an impression it can never be the same.

Writing and talking are not the same. Atleast I would like to assume that. Yes. Both uses words. When we write we have all the time in the world to think of our next sentence but when we are talking, it is rather more spontaneous. I don't know but I think it depends on the person. Some people could charm others with only a few words but to some people their world could turn into hell once they speak.

But words are interesting. It depends on how people use it. It can be beautiful. It can be extremely hideous. Words are use to describe other words, like in a dictionary. A long sentence and a short sentence can convey the same message but maybe to a different level of understanding.

I'm babbling and I don't care. I just miss my blog so much~! :D

Darn

Mistakes are awful. It's just plain stupid. After a mistake was done, I would have one desperate wish. The wish that I haven't done that one particular action that has led to the particular mistake. Ugh. But mistake makes you learn. I guess. My latest lesson is air sirap and laptop doesn't go along so well.

So, yeah. Laptop rosak~! wahhh. xley nak berblogging atau ape2 yg bekenaan dgn computer. Dapat alasan utk tak update blog~ huhu

Oh no. Baru igt. My latest lesson is not laptop and air sirap but tertinggal beg duit dalam bas maraliner. Wah~ Whatever. It's just stupid to make the same mistake twice.

It never stops

Time. It's something that is not there but yet we can feel the presence explicitly. Yeah. Maybe time is just another interface that used by human to describes things just like another word. But somehow I think it is far more complex than anyone could ever think. It's not merely what number the fingers of a clock is pointing. It can represent a lifetime, a century, hopes, memories, zenith of a dynasty or can simply be divided into three.

Yes, three. The past, the present and the future. But come to think of it how could you possibly divide it. There's no exact line between those three but yet it's there. People say "I live in the moment". Can you? Those moments you called present slip between your fingers with you barely notice it. But some say "It's a gift". That's why it is called the present. That's another way to look at it. It's ironic I would say. Right now I can swear it's the present but by the time I finished writing this sentence it's in the past already. It's like it has never been there. But it was there just now. I could go crazy thinking about it.

I also think that time is the biggest illusion of all time. Hah. But yes. You see the exact amount of time can be excruciatingly long and extremely short at the same time. A minute can be long when you are holding your breath for example and can be meaningless say.. when you are doing things that you love or it can be extremely important like when you are saving someone's life. But still it's only a minute. 60 seconds. tick. tick. There it goes.
Oh, Jeffery Deaver in his novel describes time as an illusion too. It goes something like this.

The past is an illusion,
The future is an illusion,
Only the present is real.

Yes. So true.

Time makes the heart grew fonder. Time makes us forget. Really? Some things you don't just forget. Some things you just can't let go. and it hurt. Sometimes it is just not enough to heal the wound. I'm just saying.

Future. An anticipation. A hope. Merely a creation of mind.

Owh. I'm running out of time. I'm writing this post to kill the time in between classes. Now I wish I could buy more time so I can write more. What the hell. Sori lah teha klu xcukup panjang. hehe.

Metamorphosis

I've always wonder. Can people really change? Yes human learn, grow mature but change? I don't know. I wonder because I've never seen one.

I've seen people who get all high spirits during the early time they are trying to change. They'll all do things they never used to. But, in the end they'll go back to become the person that they used to be. Like after attending a motivational talk, I'll get all disciplined and motivated for a few hours, but then I'll forget all about it. Oh I've seen a person who tried to start a new life, change, become a better man but in the end he ends up ruining other people's life including mine. I don't hate the intention and effort to change but it made me realize it must be really hard.

Well, people do change sometimes I guess when they really need to. Maybe once a smoker gets a lung cancer, he'll stop smoking. Or maybe people change when they have a reason or someone to count on to. I don't think people change because he alone wants to. There must be something that triggers it and keeps him going. Some change for the better and some change for the worse.

What do I mean change. I hate changes. It's so comfortable being myself right now. But a little part of me wants to change. It's not that I want to change something drastic about myself. It's just change how I handle things and situations. But I don't think I can. I'm not trying hard enough or maybe I'm trying too hard. I think I'm actually trying too hard this time. It scares the crap out of me if I fail. I already got the reason that should be enough to keep me going. I sure is hope that I'll succeed. Oh please.

Yay~!

From syida~ wee. my first award. she says there's something about my writing. :D


I'll pass it on to..
1. A medical student - she being herself is fun.
2. Haxi the baker - BM yg hebat and funny wordplay.
3. watch-doc - walaupn kdg2 xphm, adore the passion.
4. klu bole nak kasi 11th-colony - members ny yg sgt pandai gaduh, kontroversi, comment dan tak puas hati. ugh.